Get A Life. Or at least, a hobby

"The trouble with being poor is it takes up all of your time." - Willem de Kooning

There was a time that my life was full.

Full of bills and payments and juggling numbers and crunching numbers and planning how I was going to make it all work and figuring out what life would be like after I dug myself out of this hole and planning a budget and reworking the budget and then reworking it again.

I kept a small box on my kitchen counter, and in that box, I kept my checkbook, a calculator, a pen and pencil, a book of stamps, incoming bills and my most recent credit card statement, and a tiny notebook.

On the pages of that tiny notebook were my budgets. Yearly budget, monthly budget, weekly budget. I tracked how much I spent on each bill each month and noted my running average. I juggled numbers and each juggling act had its own piece of paper.

"If I cancel cable and Internet and my cell phone and spend only $50 per month on food, then I will have that loan paid off in only X months, but if I keep my cell phone . . . ."

"If I switch jobs and make $3 more an hour, and I put that money toward my car payment. . ."

Every evening I would come home, fix myself a little something to eat, and bring my box with me to the couch. I would look at my checkbook. I would look at my credit card statements. I would check the due dates of the bills. I would write myself a few notes.

I can't even remember what all I did, but I know that it took up every evening. And weekend.

In fact, I once remember I had been on a date, and the next night we were chatting on the phone and he asked what I was doing that evening, and I said "balancing my checkbook." A few days later, he asked the same question, got the same answer, and didn't fully believe me. Apparently he thought "balancing my checkbook" was the modern day equivalent of "washing my hair." Which allowed me to recognize exactly how much time was dedicated to being broke, even if it didn't actually change my priorities.

After I got out of debt, I had to wean myself back in to having a life. Into having hobbies.

The art museum is free on Saturday mornings. The pile of unfinished craft projects can always whittle away an afternoon. Joining the book club offered through the library lets me read books I would never choose on my own, and spend some time around other people without actually spending any money at all.

This blog is me telling myself to write again, something I used to enjoy, but stopped. First I was busy balancing the checkbook, then I really did give up the Internet, then I really didn't have anything nice to say.

I'm trying not to set too many "resolutions" for 2011, since I feel like I am already setting myself on the path I want to be on, but if there was one, it would be to continue to remind myself of the things that I enjoy. The things I still say, "Oh, I love to....." then pause and remember I haven't actually DONE that activity in five years.