Christmas for the Unbroke

In October, I spent a lot of money.

A lot of money.

I drove east from Omaha and I didn't stop until I hit the ocean.
I ate well on my trip.
I purchased presents for friends I would see, and I bought a new outfit to attend a wedding.
I stopped at three outlet malls and several Targets.
I bought new winter boats at the Bass Outlet, and spent more on one pan at the Le Creuset outlet then I spent on possibly every other kitchen item I own, combined.

I spent a lot of money.

While I was gone, he bought himself some new tools. And a few other new tools. (He did have nearly two weeks of solitude with Lowes, Home Depot and Menards all calling his name.) He spent too much on a my birthday present, as well.

However, all this money is not debt. Nor was it even "unplanned." We both spent our money in cash, and had no credit card bill hangovers. My money came from my savings - money earmarked for "travel" and "gifts" and "housewares".

So I know I shouldn't feel guilty about spending a lot of money.

However, I spent the last five years learning to be frugal. Learning "10 ways to save money today" and "Hidden ways to save $100" and "Travel on a dime" and to make do with what I had, to recycle, to buy used home goods and get by with less. Regardless of how much I tell myself that is WHY the money was set aside, the frugal part of me shakes her head:

"That money for travel was set aside for travel. Fuel. Airline tickets. Not so that you could by a pan at an overpriced outlet store. Did you even shop around? No. How can you say it was a planned purchase when you had no idea to buy it before you walked in there? You only went in because you were waiting for Crate and Barrel to open!"

The frugal part of me is not happy.

He's the same way. He might have had the money, but he knows he didn't NEED to spend it.

So we made an agreement, the day I got home from my vacation. As we unloaded a fully packed SUV and filled our basement with bags and purchases and wondered how we would fit all of this into our home.

No Christmas presents.

Seemed like a good idea at the time. We had each just given ourselves everything we might want.

It still seems like a good idea, except for one tiny problem.

I have money budgeted for Christmas.

I have money budgeted for Christmas, that I now won't spend.

I'll spend SOME of my money, obviously. Christmas cards are in the mail, and gifts for extended family are purchased. There are still potlucks at work and cookies for Girls Night and all the little holiday expenses.

But the money budgeted for him is just sitting there.

It has me thinking.

When I was broke --BROKE -- my loved ones learned not to expect from me for the holidays. "No gifts from Teresa, she can hardly afford postage." My family sent me checks because it was what I needed, anyway. I avoided exchanging gifts with friends because I really didn't have the money, and they understood.
So now I have this money and I think, "should I use it to buy gifts for people I normally don't?"
But I listen to the Christmas card discussion at work, and how many people "only send to people I get them from, because I feel guilty" and I think about how many of my friends now have families to buy for, and I won't add to their holiday stress by leading them to believe they need to send me something, too.

The frugal part of me is going "You should move that money into the travel fund to reimburse yourself for that silly pan!" (Her arms are crossed and she's making what he calls the "tiny mouth" - a sure sign of disapproval.)

The part of me that educated herself on all things financial is begging the rest of me to put the money toward the mortgage, or put it into my ROTH IRA (since I just started that this year, its not maxed out for 2010.)

The happy-go-lucky side of me says "Spend it on something, anyway. That's what its there for."

The happy-go-lucky side is internally being beaten down right now just for typing that.

The broke part of me remembers the Christmases of the last few years. Wonders if I should donate that money, in return for all the times I read the advice of an expert who said you should always donate, no matter how little you have, and promised them mentally that someday I would donate, and would make up for that year.

Part of me wonders if I should roll it into next year's Christmas fund. Afterall, next year we might want something quite pricey. Like another pan from Le Creuset.

All this thinking is really quite tiring.

I think, had I never been broke, I would not have to worry over this so much. I think those who have never been broke probably just buy what they want to buy people (hopefully sticking to a budget of some sort), and don't worry about the money left over. They've never been taught that "every dollar must be spoken for" or that an "idle dollar is a wasted dollar."

I think part of the journey to unbroke, is to make peace with having a bit of unspent money; unassigned money.

Perhaps, given the nature of this blog, I should give out Christmas Pickles to everyone?