OK, so I've never been one to be all ga-ga over red hearts. And the mark up on roses come mid-February was pretty much disgusting for me long before I was ever broke, let alone unbroke.
Thus far in our relationship, I've been able to maintain my cool around this, and other occasions for mushiness. My feelings were summed up perfectly this morning by a random person at the gym. She said "I was single for so long, and said so many times that it was a silly holiday and the people who make a big deal out if it are stupid, I would be a hypocrite if I made a big deal out of it now that I am in a relationship."
This year, however, I have been struggling. I have wanted to know what I was getting. . . internally I was thinking something big would be quite nice, thank you. I was much more into what I was getting then what I was giving, which is also not very like me.
It took a while for me to figure out why this was happening. I've had a few weeks to mull it over because I've been contemplating presents for several weeks.
Was it the "missed" Christmas at our house? No, that wasn't it. I had a few new things from my trip and I got a few gifts from our extended families, so I wasn't at all deprived there.
So what could it be?
Selfish as it is to admit, my trouble seems to be that he has been spending money on himself lately. Bought a few nice things, dropped a good chunk of cash.
Everything logical in me says that is all the more reason NOT to make a big deal out of Valentine's Day, and not to allow money to be spent on something I don't need.
But everything honest in me must admit, I wanted that money spent on me. Internally I even had the thought "he should get me something because I never get anything. But I shouldn't get him much because he's just bought all sorts of things."
You will be happy to know moderate gifts were exchanged, and, in recognizing and admitting my selfish, childish feelings, I am able to overpower them.
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