I had a meltdown this weekend, and, since I don't want to spend money to talk about it, I am going to tell you about it.
First, we need to back up a few weeks, to a lovely weekend, with wonderful weather, and a lazy Saturday where he said "Let's go to Lincoln!"
What followed was a relaxing, pleasant day, a nice drive through a land of melting snow and shining sun and some light exercise walking around the downtown area. We even had lunch at a "it must be fate" sandwich shop - Pickleman's!
On the way home, we stopped off at the outlet mall in Gretna... I can't remember what, specifically he was looking for, but it was meant to be a quick stop-off.
As we pulled up, I saw the L'eggs/Hanes/Bali store and I thought, "Hmm, I could use some new sports bras" and I said "I'll meet you in a few minutes, I am going to run in there."
When I walked in, I was told, "Today is Buy two Champion Sports Bras, get the third for $1."
So I bought three, and two tank tops. All told, I spent $85.
Side note, only to be read if you're not creeped out by me discussing bras: This was not a purchase I had preplanned or thought about before that moment, however, for the past few months I have been working out five days a week, consistently, and I plan to continue to do that. Before this purchase, I owned three sports bras, all were cotton and I had owned all of them since high school (so they are all about 15 years old). The average person might say I "needed" new bras, although, in my post-broke, still-getting-un-broke mentality I will only admit they were not a completely frivolous purchase. I didn't NEED them since my old ones haven't fallen apart yet.
OK, so, purchases made, we continued home. Life went on. New bras were worn and enjoyed.
This weekend he told me that he had bit the bullet and bought the coffee table he's been eyeing for about 10 months in the CB2 catalog. The coffee table he has compared all others to for months, and that always came up less expensive, more versatile, sturdier, and most in-line with the style he was looking for.
You would think my response would have been "yay" or "awesome," but let's say it was more along the lines of "You sure are spending money lately."
Hmmm.
Ooopsy.
What followed after that I will spare you, but let's just say it was one of those 20 minute periods where you realize how much you really should send yourself to therapy, no matter the expense. Twenty minutes of out-of-body experiences where your body cries and shakes while your mind tries to make it stop.
In the end, I realized you much my "unplanned, unneeded, unbudgeted" purchase of bras was weighing on me, bothering me. It felt like a floodgate to spending "willy-nilly." It felt like inviting brokeness back into my life. It felt like every expense that comes up now all I will be able to tell myself is "If you hadn't spent $90 on those bras, you would have that money to. . . ." fix the car, put toward a plane ticket, spend on groceries, etc.
It's scary for me, these meltdowns. I suppose it's yet another reason why I need this blog - an outlet to tell my story, an inlet to hear others say "hey, I know what you mean."
No comments:
Post a Comment